We meet this little person and think it will always be that way

Then you grow up and each chooses a different path

It doesn’t always run parallel

But every now and then it crosses

And those are the moments to enjoy

When once again you have that long ago connection

That made you Sisters

And now you are also Friends…..



© peabea (patricia) 8-18-2010

Gray

Why is it always gray?

Sometimes the world just needs to go away

I try, I cry, but the pessimism just stays

I see others laughing, being so positive
Are they just better at hiding their true face?

I've learned how, I smile, I say the right things
but I'm only fooling you and not myself
I know who I am; I've lived with me all my life

Why is it always gray?
Why won't the sadness go away?

I remind myself to appreciate, to enjoy, but deep, deep in my soul
it just stays the color gray


©Peabea (Patricia) 8-13-10

If I Weren't Me

If I weren’t me, Who would I be?
Maybe a little bird or angel, up in a tree?
Birds and Angels, both can fly…
So, why not I?

Sometimes we soar, sometimes we roar,
Sometimes we just want more…..

The wanting hurts, we feel the pain,
We cannot soothe it, we cannot let it go
The wanting hurts until we can know
For once and always, the wanting we didn’t need

The wanting is merely a desire
To be more than we think we are…
It starts as babies…
Always wanting what we can’t have…

If I weren’t me, Who would I be?
Who/What destined me…
Who my parents were….
What/Who determined when my time would be?
To take a place or just use up space….

Will I be again…maybe another time…another place?
Then will I be me or a different entity?
Have I been before or just always and the same?
If I weren’t me…then who am I to be?
For now, I’m just me
Destined to be the best I can while in this place
Wondering if there’ll ever be another chance….

© peabea (patricia) 2010

Let's Just Stay Children

Children are awesome, amazing little humans. They are usually a mini of their mom and dad, and will look exactly like one or the other or a mixture of all the genes in their gene pool. Like my children, my husband has often commented that if someone saw our kids, they wouldn't know they belong to us nor would they know they are sister or brother because they look like so many in our family plus themselves.

Wouldn't if be great if we could all just remain children, never grow, never change. We would live in a world of colorful~spiral lollipops, jacks, jumping rope, and ice cream treats. We'd never have to eat vegetables, and we wouldn't get overweight because we would never stop moving, talking or playing. We would still be playing on the playground so no need for working out. We would have great imaginative adventures and stories to tell.

As children, we have yet to see peer pressure so if we met each other, voila "immediate friends no matter who you are or where you come from".

Our world would always be sunshine and games, and no mean people because as children, without adult and worldly influences, we have yet to experience those traits.

Unfortunately, though, if we are always just children, then there would be no grownups and no procreation, no death since we didn't age, and no others would enter our world. If that is so, then how did we get to be in the first place, how did we survive?

Maybe we were just be an experiment and cloned from a civilization long gone that left us behind when they were trying to eliminate their extinction.

Up To The Mountain

Recently, my son said that his girlfriend had rented a cottage in Tennessee that was large enough to sleep 18 people, and we were invited to come along for the long week-end. We were packed in a heartbeat...ready for a road trip after the winter months, and knew the weather would be pretty heading South of where we live.

There were many activities planned each day, and it was a whirlwind week-end. While there, my hubby tires easily and had a busy week at work before the trip so he didn't go on many of the activites. I decided I would drive him up to the top of the mountain, and it would also be a great photo opportunity. He had never been to Gatlinburg to visit nor had he been up on the mountain.

While we were driving to Tennessee and also up the mountain, it took me back many years in my mind. When I married my husband, he was a musician who traveled on the road. I was only 17 and he was 19 when we married. Being young, it was quite an adventure. The trip that week-end brought me back to how we use to have our clothes packed in the back seat of the car, as that was our home, and to how young and different we were then.

We have traveled 46 years together since those days, and life has taken us in many directions. We were so young, and thought we knew what it was all about. Were we in for some surprises along the way. We only traveled those first few years before we settled down to raise a family. We have stayed in the same place for the past 30 plus years. My hubby gave up being a traveling musician, worked a job, but we did have a family band that lasted until our youngest was about 16 (that's another story in itself).

That day driving to Tennessee though it was kind of nice to also travel back in my mind and remember those young, carefree days. If we could only have the insight that we have today, would our life be the same as it is now, would we make different decisions or mistakes.

Reminiscing can sometimes be fun when your traveling up a mountain on a sun-shiny day, and you're still together and life seems good.


(pics from the mountain at the bottom of the page) enjoy!! and stop back and visit me often.

Photography

Photography is my favorite hobby, and I enjoy passing time out and about taking photos. My favorite, I guess is photos of scenery.

My first camera was won selling seeds door to door for the American Seed Company when I was barely in grade school. I had no idea they would sell so well, and that I would end up getting to pick an awesome prize. I had many choices, but I chose a Kodak Brownie camera (the kind where you flipped up the top and looked down in to see the image), and they also included free film for a year plus developing so I was thrilled.

Even at that young age, people were already getting use to seeing me with my camera, and not only use to it they would duck and hide from me. Family does the same today, they always laugh and say, "oh no, she has her camera". I am usually never without.

Recently, with the warm Spring weather, my sister and I have been out and about walking along with my camera. Even after all these years, I'm still in pursuit of a great shot.

There are many free photo editing software available that can also enhance a photo, if needed. One of my favorites is Picasa, which is free. I also use photo editing software that came with my Micrografx Draw programs and Paintshop Pro. It is always great though, when I edit in these and my photo doesn't require any fix at all.

Do you enjoy photography? What do you think is the most fun to capture? Portraits, Scenery, Action Shots, Nature?

If you have any tips for better photography, feel free to include that in a comment also.

Click my video below to see some of the pictures from the walk at Delaware Dam.

Outside We Went To Play

The adventures and imagination of a child are fun to watch when they go out to play in the winter. No toys are needed. Just piling the snow from here to there or working on a small snowman, and the giggles begin.

The Artist

Outside is being painted today…and the color of choice is white
The paint is falling down and covering the ground
Some branches of the trees, just a touch here and there
The artist is Mother Nature

Upon waking you see a clean white sheet
The flakes sparkle as they drift down
Lightly covering all that is on the ground
No tracks, no marks can be seen
The snow has washed the earth clean once again


Then the hustle and bustle of life begins
Cars driving by
People walking
Animals playing here and there

Slowly the atmosphere, gives a brownish hue
Covering the wonderful white that was there
Like the influences in life
Dirtying her up once again

Patiently we wait each day
To see what colors will be displayed
By the artist that is painting our world
Today will it be grey, white or the wonderful Green
That only Spring time can bring





© 1-12-10 Patricia

Guitar Hero ~ What Fun

Winter Snow

The Forgotten Present

I have a Christmas tradition that I started when my daughter was a baby. Her dad had taken her along when he did his Christmas shopping for me. She was in her stroller and spotted a large white stuffed animal. She loved it, and hugged on it all around the store. He managed to get it away from her and buy it without her seeing. When they arrived home, he told me to hide it until Christmas morning, and told me all about how she loved it. Well sometime during that Christmas day, we finally remembered about the stuffed animal that was hidden and not under the tree. Every year after that, it seems that I forgot someone's present and had to hunt it on Christmas day so I could give it to them.

That little girl is now 25 and has a child of her own. This Christmas, all the presents for him were placed under the tree (from Santa). Christmas morning my daughter asked me, "didn't you get him a race track?". Sure enough, I had, and I had hidden it in our garage. So out I went to get the forgotten present.

This year, though, I have gone a step further, it is now January 4th, and it dawned on me last evening that I had purchased him a soccer ball and goal set. For the life of me, I'm not remembering where I put it. I have looked in all the usual places (and yes, I'm sure I did buy it). Tomorrow, the search begins again.

So the tradition continues, but hopefully, next year if I shop early, I can remember to write down each present and its hiding place.

Life Begins With Building on Something

Life begins with building on something. We are born and we start building; we build our strength to sit up so we can build up to walk. We coo so we can build on talking, and we just keep building our entire life. The thing about building is that it is adventurous, interesting and sometimes fun because we are always looking forward.

When we get to our teen years, we look forward and build our desire to drive a car, have a girlfriend and work on relationships. Eventually, building on a relationship leads to marriage, and then we are constantly building on that relationship. We purchase a home or set up an apartment and we enjoy the planning of buying the furniture, or even the purchase of the home itself is something that we are working on and looking forward to.

Once we get the things in our life that we have been planning complete, then we can usually take a break for a while, sit back and admire our work and just say ahh!!!

Life is like that, and you build through all your years, the 10’s, the 20’s, the 30’s, the 40’s, the 50’s, and then you hit the life in the 60’s. The kids have grown and moved on, the house is complete or at least your energy for building on that has expired and you just don’t have the drive anymore. You look around, and you say Ahh!!!...now we can sit back and relax…but then the realization hits that you just don’t have much to build on anymore or look forward to. Oh, yes, you look forward to retirement, but by then, it is usually here, you’re retired. Now what? Just sit and enjoy, and you look out, but now the future isn’t that far out in the future anymore. Of course, you mainly sit because you are tired from all the building on life and looking forward. The looking forward is shorter, but you have built a whole lot of looking back on the memories that were made as you grew, and built and looked forward…so sitting and just enjoying the Ahh and reflecting isn’t so bad after all. After all is built and done, it is relax time…and it really is deserved.

If Only In My Mind

The beauty that surrounds me happens slowly
with time stitching together all the colors
The hues
The glows
That make up a wonderful life
If only in My Mind

The curtains blow
The songs sound
The instruments play
The children laugh
If only for a day, they have set my heart aglow.

This thing we built 46 years ago

The musician, the man
The individual being that is so worn now
The weary tired lines
The pain he ignores
The one and only that I’ve adored

It can’t go on
It can’t continue
But each minute, I carry within me
The beauty, the glow that surrounds me
If only in My Mind



© Patricia B. all rights reserved 2009

The Song

We all three had our glasses on
We went to lunch and they played a song
We said “Oh My” remember this ~
The song that never left our lips
That as a child we sang ~ the song that never leaves the lips

There we were all worn and grey
But we still enjoy the day
Our hearts and our minds are young ~ we laugh ~ we talk
But we no longer run

As children we ran and played the day away
But now that we’re worn and grey
to lunch we go ~ to spend the day
To say in touch ~ to laugh and play
But no longer can we run

And on that day, the song came on that never left our lips
A song we sang when we were young

“Oh yes” we remember
When the song came on
Each of us smiled that smile of wonderment that only in our
minds could we picture it

The days at play ~ the song that never went away
A song for only us three ~ a song that told us we were meant to be
Each one special in her own way ~ as we ran and played

The song of the young ~ the song that young ones sing so sweet
Because the song that came on that day was
a baby sweet sitting with her mom ~ giggling and singing ~
As only children do ~

The song that never leaves the lips
The song of ~Youth ~
That is remembered by three old ladies


© Patricia B. 2009 all rights reserved

The Escape

All she wanted to do was drive, just drive until she couldn't drive anymore. Until she was too tired to even think. She just wanted to escape, get the hell away. But to where? She drove, and drove, she stopped and walked and then she drove some more. She was in search of escape. When she finally stopped, she realized she hadn't driven far enough to escape so she returned home.

Once home, she decided maybe if she went for a run, she could escape. First she ran a 5K, but that didn't help with the escape. She went to the gym to work out, but still she wasn't able to escape. She went shopping; she bought things she thought would help her escape.

She took her purchases home, but she still knew she needed to escape. Again she decided she just wanted to drive, she could just get in the car and drive again and maybe this time she would find a destination where she could escape. She drove as far as she could into the night and didn't stop until she was so tired and couldn't drive any more. By now, she should have escaped. She should be free.

Unfortunately, she realized that there is no escape. She would never be free. This overwhelming urge to escape had been with her on and off for years. It would start when she was having a good day and in such a happy mood, and then she would hit the pits. Just one word, one gesture, a look, anything can set it off, and then she has an overwhelming urge to escape. She feels she needs to just run, to escape wherever she is, the scenery, the house, the people. But most of all, she feels she needs to escape from herself, but how do you crawl out from your own skin and escape? How do you make your mind shut off and escape? The urge, the feeling just won't go away. It has to run its course and she just has to live with it until it is done.

The alternatives she tried before - after a ruined marriage and the kids not speaking to her anymore was to drink until she couldn't think. The escape would happen for a while until she woke from her drunken stupor. Sometimes she would escape with just drinking and picking up a guy for the night, and then she would wake and hate herself, and the escape had not happened.

She finally gave up trying to escape and now she just lives with it, and lets it run its course until the time comes when it will end. The escape will be gone and gone forever when it happens.

The hit man has been hired; she doesn't know who it is, how to contact him or when it will happen. She just knows that it will happen. There is no going back now.

For now, she just drives and runs and finds things to occupy her while she seeks escape, and she anxiously awaits the day that the escape will arrive.

(c)opyright 2009 Peabea all rights reserved